Some presents I would buy for some imaginary people.

An espresso machine. When I started working at home I used to make rocket powered espressos with a good dose of sugar. Then the machine bust. I’m sure someone else would like the experience.

An ipod. Somewhere just to keep all your music in one place. That or some way of pumping round the house through Airport Express. Now there’s a thought.

Northface gloves with the fancy fingertip control. Use your iPhone even when it’s ball freezing. Suitable for girls too.

An acoustic guitar. Some people just need to play the guitar.

For my little daughter a rocket. ‘Five Rockets dad’ she says. Who am I to argue? She has one. A Little Einsteins. For a girl that can say yes and no in English and Polish the world is her oyster.

Pile of new clothes so no longer will I be asked ‘What’s this like’.

Mad Men boxed set. If you don’t get this, you’re. . . strange.

Book of Old English poetry in the original. Some people need a challenge.

A bif f*** off iMac. Looks great, performs well, dogz bollix.

Some socks. Everyone needs socks.

Three hens. Fresh eggs. You’ll never go back.

An Irish speaking peasant to practice Irish upon le do thoil.

Sin é!