The Confederacy of Dunces

TESCO Self Service: Please place your boot in the bagging area.

Our house is coming down with new energy saving lighbulbs. They are a total waste of time unless you like murky, eye damaging half-light. In my daughters’ room I stumbled about for ages in the dark before Angela kindly advised me that to activate the stronger light option, you have to switch the switch on twice. Great.

I stand to be corrected but is this the result of more do-goodery coming from Brussels. I suppose if you have an army of politicians and eurocrats you need something to keep the hoors busy.

Next up TESCO. Every Little Helps.

Indeed it does especially if you are the genius that thought up TESCO self service. Let’s just explore this for a minute. I go to TESCO, I wander round their store doing my shopping, being conned by their clever two for the price of 1.8 or whatever the ratio works out and all the other deals. I buy loads of stuff I don’t really need especially if I make the cardinal mistake of shopping when hungry.

Finally I go to the till and rather than some employee do their job and check through my groceries, I do it myself while some jobsworth hovers to make sure I’m over 18 and that I can actually work the technology.

Absolute genius, avoiding the staff salary, whilst the customer does it all himself! Brilliant.

This set up is only bettered by the self service GO Filling station in Cookstown which is straight out of George Orwell. Not a human being in sight other than the other mystified fuel buyers filling their cars according to the instructions delivered by the pump. Again, a spark of genius.

And we’re all sheep for falling into this trap. Well let me tell you, I want my goods packed by someone. Not necessarily all the time, but sometimes when I just couldn’t be arsed scanning through and packing my own stuff.

I have an aversion to the self service model since one night a TESCO drone accused me of not paying for part of my groceries. The apparatus wasn’t working and one item had not scanned. This chap, who quickly saw the error of his ways after our brief but robust exchange, was lurking about being particularly unhelpful. Maybe he’s on a bonus to catch would-be grocery thieves like myself.

Had I wanted to thieve from TESCO I should point out I would have gone for the bottles of expensive champagne or a special offer flat screen TV. Not a loaf of bread and some cut price vegetables.

Finally… the local Borough Council have decided in their wisdom to distribute composting bins. But only to some people. At random. So loads of students are now the proud owners of compost bins whilst people like Angela who actually want one are not.

I don’t condone unlawful activity but… if anyone should like to donate one,

it will be going to a good home.

Weekend Roes

Various random things @ the weekend. Friday night taking U-8 coaching. What I would consider a failed session. Some of the lads were being difficult, I didn’t deal with them very well I thought. Went home very frustrated & annoyed with myself. Yes they were badly behaved including some that should know better, but at the end of the day it is my job to coach them.

I went back in to get Leo hurling & watched him take a breathtaking catch on the run. Highlight of my evening. The back garden matches are obviously paying off for him! This afternoon myself & Angela took the two boys on in a game of football. They won. Again.

Saturday morning up at 6.00am, wrote a piece about Eamon O’Shea. Then off to the beach with Hub. Hard to beat Portstewart strand at that time. No people, other than the odd jogger & a few other dog walkers. Hub befriended a couple other black labs & rolled in some foul smelling stuff. Manky or what.

Home, to chase Cáit & Leo off to early morning swimming. Then in to coaching myself. The ratio of coaches to boys was 3:1. Not many clubs can boast that @ U-8. I redeemed myself by taking one of my friends from last night. Much more rewarding, he seemed in better form & it was more enjoyable. Cracking match at the end. These are the days for it. Can’t wait to get outside.

Saturday afternoon A. gone to Derry. Me to follow after Cáit’s party – It was ‘Hot Barbara’s’ daughter’s party, as she was apparently known in her younger days. I called her it once & she reddened & didn’t seem entirely comfortable. Hmmm.

For weeks before we went to Croker I imagined a thousand times Méabh on the steps of the Hogan Stand. The image taken by Caroline Quinn captured it perfectly. Déjà vu. I bought the original from Caroline, & went & had the print framed, two copies. One of me, one for Méabh. I can see it on the wall here as I write this. I gave Méabh hers on Sunday, she was away shopping with Oisin the Cheshire cat on Saturday.

Saturday night out for a meal in Derry with my Uni friends Kierany & Ann Marie. Good craic. They never change. Liking life in Derry too.

Sunday a bit disoriented by the time change. Up the road home after Sorcha decided to wake up. Home in time to sleep for an hour. Delayed red wine fatigue. Off to Ballinderry where they gave us a guard of honour onto the pitch and proceeded to kick us apart, with the ball mind you. Physical stuff but what impressed was their ability to find one another with the ball.

Home etc. Weekend finished. Eventful. Tiring. Fun.

Tackling Drills

On 15 September @ a session up at Pairc Eoghain Rua, we ran a set of tackling channels using tackle bags. The players were told it wasn’t full contact, that the emphasis was on the runner breaking the tackle. Some chance.

After it Aileen ended up in casualty & there were a couple of other ‘injuries.’ The craic was good as evidenced by this exchange from Facebook. A number of the key culprits are revealed.

Eoghan Rua Camogie

Éilis did some wreckin with the tackle bags @ training-Aisling Carey never knew what hit her! September 16, 2010 at 12:53pm · Like ·

Adelle Archibald Aileen nearly slaughtered clare d, mauz and I on Sunday and then had the audacity to tell us to man up because she wasn’t even going full pelt .. September 16, 2010 at 12:58pm · Like

Eilis McNamee Aw look at me go, after gettin flattened by jane i had to start sticking up for myself! :PSeptember 16, 2010 at 4:35pm · Like

Jane Carey Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha p.s ive a wile sore elbow thanks to double trouble kerr n mcNamee!!September 16, 2010 at 5:46pm · Like · 2 people

Lesley Reynolds Wots the chance of you all being fit to play next week? You’re a pack o’ eejits!September 16, 2010 at 9:49pm · Like

Eilis McNamee that will teach you to mess with me and megan again 😉 btw i have a very sore everywhere.September 16, 2010 at 10:08pm · Unlike · 2 people

Joe Passmore Aileen was in casualty too after her & Maybin had that trainwreck.September 16, 2010 at 10:48pm · Like

Jane Carey Hardy har har har, clonduff ill think they hit a brick wall wen they cum up against the mighty roes!!!!September 17, 2010 at 4:17pm · Like

Eoghan Rua Camogie Not jokin’ bout Aileen by the way!!September 17, 2010 at 4:28pm · Like

Kelly Maybin Eh and why am i only findin out about this now!! How did she end up in hosp when i was on the bottom of the trainwreck lol!!??

Scoring Goals is Easy, Imagining them is the Difficult Part

Eamon O'Shea - with eight days to go to Croker, he was just what the doctor ordered.

A while back I went to a coaching course organised by the hurling wing of Ulster GAA.

It was held at Dunloy’s excellent new indoor facility with a few of the sessions scheduled for outdoors.

The sessions were delivered by some of the usual suspects. Some very technical stuff on conditioning and matches by Micky McCullagh related physical prowess to the practicalities of hurling. Ronan McWilliams spent a good while explaining the intricacies of what we call the circle drill, which we have been using as a high intensity warm up for a season or more.

Then, Eamon O’ Shea took over. A few times in my coaching career a light has been switched on. Once when I went to listen to Johnny McIntosh talking about shooting; then the first time I actually listened to Paudie Butler. One night in Cookstown Gregory O’Kane unwittingly told me all I needed to know about keeping a session positive. A meeting with Paddy Tally led me to tear up what I did and start again. O’Shea had a similar effect.

Not a cone in sight. That immediately threw me; I like my cones to focus players’ spatial awareness – to mark like we used to with jumpers the areas in which I want them to operate. But Eamon’s opening line caught my attention immediately. “I see the pitch as one big space and I immediately think how am I going to use it.” This sounded good to me.

On physicality “Express yourself, some do it with this [held up the sliotar] some with this [jabbed someone with the hurl]. Don’t go looking for Jackie Tyrrell, if Jackie wants you he’ll know where to find you”

OK, you got me now Eamon. Next he had us imagining hitting the ball, an imaginary ball you see. Then, he had players actually hitting the ball. Have the youngsters imagine hitting the ball he said, don’t overcomplicate things. Yep, that’s a good one too.

Then he just set up a simple drill that replicated Lar Corbett’s goal in the All Ireland Final. Brilliant. Simple. To make it worse, he then he showed us Lar’s second goal. Both worked moves, made on the training paddock. By players that knew how each other thought and where they ran.

Outdoors the coup de resistance, he ran a series of running plays without the ball. The players still hurling mind you, just there was no sliotar. Twas brilliant, brilliant craic.

Just what I needed with a trip to Croke Park for the Final a week later. I had left our training that morning in a black, black mood to rush over. Severely pissed off with what I wrongly perceived as pre match negativity in some quarters. It was my own concerns and my own self-doubt that were troubling me in truth and I was feeling the pressure that day. Eamon O’Shea was just what the doctor ordered.

He lifted my spirits, opened my mind and gave me a raft of new ideas for training the following week. I just wished I had an extra week to reshape what Iwas doing a bit but whatever. The next day we were on our orientation trip to Croker to look around and soak it all up before the following week’s match.

I talked to the players about Lar Corbett, and O’Shea talking to the players about scoring goals. Putting themselves in that place. About them imagining scoring and celebrating.

And what happened in Croker the next week? Grace McMullan scored a hat-trick. And we won. Grace is well capable of that, cometh the hour, cometh the woman.She told me afterwards had mentally prepared herself for scoring goals. Well, if you can dream it you can do it as our Méabh says.

I emailed Eamon a bit randomly to sorta thank him, and his reply? “Scoring goals is the easy part, imagining them is more difficult.”

I had spent the weeks ahead of the game imagining Méabh lifting the Agnes O’Farrelly Cup on the steps of the Hogan. Listening to yer man helped that dream come true. Yep, if you can dream it, you can do it.

Postscript: Last night at training, I asked a group of under 8 hurlers to strike an imaginary ball. “We’re hitting this one over the bar to win the game I told them, can you do it?” Every one of them nailed it, myself in the middle like an eejit hurling my own imaginary ball over the bar, hitting the winner. Twas the best craic we had all night. And that, taught me another lesson.