The Founding Fathers

The Irish Times & Powers Whiskey recently ran a short story competition. This is one of my two entries. Neither won but I like them. The subject was to write 450 words on ‘What Really Matters.’

Waiting for the others, Davin and O’Ryan leisurely potted a few billiard balls across the plush baize. It was unexpectedly cold for the first day of November. But clear blue skies gave an unexpected brightness and air of hope to the day.

Next arriving was John Wyse Power, a pessimist by nature, his opening gambit reflected his propensity for the half-empty glass. “Is this all that’s here?” he declared under furrowed brow, and made as if to leave.

Davin laid down his cue, diverting the new arrival’s attention to a platter of Mrs Hayes best ham sandwiches and a generous glass of Power’s finest namesake.

Bracken and the Ulsterman McKay entered in jovial mood, discussing an on-pitch disagreement the previous evening. The scrap concerned more the honour of a desirable young lady from Templemore than the vagaries of the rulebook. Inspector McCarthy expressed relief the constabulary had not been required on this occasion.

The room quietened when Cusack appeared. Hawthorn stick in hand, leather booted, suited in fustian, voluminous beard obscured his collar and tie.

The Clareman was a persuasive character, a bon vivant, and infectiously enthusiastic about the plans they were about to discuss. Seriously dogmatic, he had made several specific requests to Mrs Hayes the hotel proprietor.

Firstly, that the room be discreet but comfortable. Secondly that she provide a generous repast for attendees, some of whom like Power and Davin had travelled some distance. He asked for a generous supply of pipe tobacco. Finally, he insisted on a particular brand of whiskey to ‘lubricate’ their discussions.

“We want our fellow gaels to tell us what is really important,” he advised Davin. “In my experience” he said, toking on his pipe, “that is best achieved in the presence of the golden liquid of which we are both so fond.”

As the participants began deliberations, chaired by Davin, Mrs Hayes busied herself about the room, dispensing platters heaped with bread and ham. She  generously refilled each exquisite cut crystal glass from a gold-labelled bottle. Through the warmth and the unmistakable fugue of pipe and peat smoke, discussion continued apace with much agreement.

Several hours later, Cusack settled back in his seat. The others had retired for a nap before dinner. All had gone to plan. The creation of an association Gaelic and Athletic that would sweep the land like none other before.

He snapped the cap, glancing at the familiar bottle, and allowed himself a further glass. Relaxed, he sipped and smiled. Powers’ Gold Label.

As he expected, twas easier to find out what really mattered, when his friend John Power was in attendance.

Truly, one of the founding fathers and Powers of the Association.

Not About the Bike 4

Yesterday we covered 43 miles. It was horrendous. To be fair my cycling companions adopted a very encouraging attitude as we trundled along the highways and byways of Loyalist East Antrim. I felt a little abandoned and isolated if I didn’t see a Union flag every mile or two but in fairness the locals invariably obliged.

In small settlements every lamppost is well and truly marked and there isn’t much doubt whose ‘territory’ you are cycling through. What some of the brethren would think of the merry band of GAA enthusiasts cycling through their district makes me LOL.

My sister in law Schira must have been a mountain goat in a previous life. She led us up a succession of climbs, some gradual, some insidious, some just pure bastards. The road from Moss Side to the main Bushmills to Ballycastle line was a route of pain for me. All my considerable weight was pressing down on the base of my spine and for whatever reason this caused more discomfort than ever.

When we finally made it across to White Park Bay, Schira led us up to the Viewing Point. ‘It’s only half a mile up the road’ she cheerily explained. ‘Up’ was the operative word in that explanation. I cursed her every pedal of the way and when we got to the ‘Viewing Point’ I was quite the sight lolling about panting on a raised ditch. Sweat flying, backside in bits. At one stage I almost rolled of the bank down the slope onto White Park Bay. Had I done so I would have gladly dragged my sorry ass across the sand to dip it in the tempting blue seawater.

Having crossed the twenty three mile point at this stage, we pointed our tyres for the Port. The way of fewest hills our request to our leader. I don’t think I’ve ever tucked into Bushmills – either the drink or the village- the way I did on the downhill descent. One and a half miles of freewheelin. I actually felt like jumping off, just for the craic. Schira remarked that I could fair get the speed up on the down hills, but the opposite applies in that I can fair slow the speed down on the ascents. It’s a like a metaphor for life, what goes down must go up and vice versa. So for the exhilaration of tearing into Bushmills, I soon realised that all roads out lead up the hill. Long slow and painful.

At this stage less than ten from home my fellow travellers gradually disappeared over the hill. Even Martin who had covered the distance on his wife’s shopping bike complete with the shopping carrier on the back. He looked like something out of an Adam Sandler film perched on the curious women’s bike with a pair of cycling bib shorted. However, no matter what he looked like, he still bate me home. I limped in, totally and utterly fucked. No other word for it.

When I arrived back to the house, I keeled over on to the sofa an immediately fell asleep for half an hour. When I got up a bath followed by a shower restored a semblence of life, as did some beans on toast and four Jaffa cakes. The only redemption in the day was offered by Lar Corbett and his henchmen followed by a decent run out for the girls on Sunday night.

Arse in flames, spirits in the doldrums. 43 miles I think it was. Well out of my comfort zone. Big time. Soon be time to get back on the bike… and I’m dreading it.

Not About The Bike 2

Wednesday 29 June

OK. This cycling lark. We’re gonna knock a fair bit of oul craic out of it.  I decided to go out for a spin on Wednesday evening to loosen the oul legs up. There, I sound like an oul pro already. Paddy McC had set up a wee distribution list that you just let know if you’re going out and the theory is the boys join in but due to a misunderstanding it was me féin off on a solo.

The weather was shite but thankfully for the duration of my ride it stayed dry. It was a fairly unremarkable outing other than I managed nearly fourteen miles in about an hour and twenty minutes. I also scaled Ballywillan Hill at Portrush which for those who don’t know it, can only be described as a pure bastard.

The advantage of these training runs is it gets the backside acclimated (love that American bastard of a word) to the seat. Certainly it wasn’t too bad. There’s something immensely satisfying about the tiredness after physical exercise.

Saturday 2 July

Last night I went to Halfords to get myself tooled out for on road disasters. I bought a small bike tool, two spare tubes, a water bottle holder and wee container jobbie that hitches on to the underneath of the saddle to hold all this shite.  I see that in due course I may require a bigger wee container. All set for tomorrow. I resisted the temptation to take myself out for a spin and Schira’s offer to go for a short run. Aye right. I know her idea of a short run….

Sunday 3 July

What a day. I missed the group cycle at 9:00. I arrived down at 9:30 and the place was eerily quiet. Bollix I quickly realised the group had obviously met earlier. I had a choice but it wasn’t really a choice. I could go home, but wasn’t doing that, or I could set off with a 30 mile target.

I decided to go for it. I worked out a rough route in my head incorporating part of the route I traversed on Wednesday and decide to head for Bushmills and Ballycastle direction based on what John G had told me last night of the route they took.

Without boring anyone with the details and it was boring, I was out for ages, covered 36.5 miles (the group I intended to join did 28 I think).  Coming home I was totally drained, and in real pain. Never so glad to get home, I literally fell of the bike and staggered into the house. I figured out the distance by driving the course, was at least 4.5 miles longer than I thought/hoped it might be. When I drove the course, there were parts of the route that I literally had no memory of ever being on. In one place I passed perhaps the biggest Ulster flag I’ve ever seen but did I see it when I was on the bike. Not a bit of it. So much for seeing the countryside.

Another thing you notice on the bike is the smell of the countryside, decaying animals, cow dung, fragrant flowers, sewage in drains, car exhaust fumes and more. You also get a close up and personal insight into the fatal injuries inflicted on roadkill by motorists. Happily I was wearing a helmet so hopefully I’ll not end up like a dead badger, fox, rabbit, rat, bird, cat – all of which I saw today. None, I should add, were wearing helmets.

Only one passing motorist shouted abuse, some gobshite in a twincam coming out of Bushmills. No doubt one of their famous inbreds I shouted “fuck off” as he disappeared down the road. Then, with fatigue, hunger and dehydration setting in, the whole scenario of me getting a good kicking along some secluded country road began to settle in my brain.

On another occasion I encountered what I could only call a peloton of cyclists from one of the local clubs. They swept past me in a whirl of wheels and click of gears as if my trundling form didn’t exist. To them I didn’t but for me, as the trek went on I felt every bump in the road, every stone, every drain ever piece of repaired tar. Why am I doing this I asked again and again. Today I decided I was doing it for my children, if it keeps me alive a few days longer then it will have been worth it. And they’d better bloody well appreciate it!

Happy days, sore ass.

Footnote: I see the Omagh St Endas boys finished their cycle trip from Galway. Well done Mickey and the lads. Onwards.